But I was never truly gone. The past year has been emotional, memorable, highs, lows, loneliness and finding my true self. Pre March 2020, I was working seven days a week, between Limerick, Cork, Dublin and Galway. It was non stop but I loved it all. Socialising at the weekends. Burn out became a fear of those around me but I get energised with the more work I do, I was like a bullet train as I travelled from county to county.
TV, radio, online, MC work, author events. Each day was different but I was growing and chasing my dreams and goals. Working in media is no easy feat. It’s non stop and feels as though you can’t take your foot off the pedal for fear you’ll get left behind.
Then March 2020. The C word edging closer to home.
Suddenly, the breaks were slammed on. Six weeks in my apartment. Leaving for a walk or run and groceries. Masks, gloves, avoiding people. A weird sense of disconnect from one another. The friendly chats abandoned.
I never expected to be sitting here in my apartment a year later. But what have I learned?
- I am not a morning person. A slow start, a nice coffee and this relaxed sense of ease.
- I can cook (sort of) and I enjoy the art of making and creating meals.
- Baking. I love my homemade brown bread. (Thanks Google.)
- I don’t need to work seven days a week.
- My anxiety is pretty much non existent.
I speak of my anxiety because it was something that was always with me and I assumed it was because it was just something I had and would have to live with having it under control with the odd flair up when I was stressed.
But it was the fear of missing out in a work sense. Not attaining a goal I had set myself. Late nights out and lack of sleep. Not being totally acceptable of my past. In the past year work, socialising and goals all changed and were taken away.
In August I suffered a set back, Dads anniversary. BANG. https://meghannmix.com/2020/09/09/meghannmix-this-is-me/
I was floored with emotion, pain, anger, sadness. As awful as it felt, I knew it meant I still had a lot of work to do. I’ve been to plenty of therapists over the years where I have dissected all my past fears, loss and pain. With a focus on Marcus and Dad and their deaths. (For anyone new, My brother Marcus died in a car accident in 2006 and my Dad, Maxie, died due to health complications in 2006.) I wrote a book in 2018 all about losing Marcus and Dad and how I navigated through the dark forest of grief.
When I spoke to mediums, I asked about Marcus and Dad.
But what about me?
I’d lost myself in all my grief and spent years focusing on those no longer alive. How was that living?
After that sad episode, I knew I had to make myself a priority. I came across a Life Coach and in September we began our sessions. The sessions focused on me, myself and I. What did Meghann want? I set new goals, I made a vision board. The following months were spent concentrating on my own life.
Meditation has become a part of my daily routine. It eases my mind and gives me clarity but making it part of my routine when I am in a good mood has been difficult. Bad mood, I can meditate much longer and more often. The same goes for writing. I write when I am sad or angry but it’s just as important to practice these exercises when in having good days.
So to conclude, my anxiety has all but dissolved. I know how important maintaining a healthy lifestyle is for my body and my mind. But, I am ready to return to normal life and when I do, I’ll have attained all the tools to know how to manage my anxiety.
My second book, Little Pocket of Love, is a book full of quotes on themes such as Grief, love, friendship, family, anxiety, panic attacks, gratitude and wellbeing to name but a few.
My main daily tips to ensure a more relaxed and manageable day:
- Meditation (even 10 minutes)
- Drinking water (distracts the mind)
- A mindful walk without music
Healthy habits to sooth the soul.
To purchase my debut book – Broken Love: My Journey Through Loss and Grief – https://www.bookhubpublishing.com/product/broken-love/
My second book – Little Pocket of Love – https://www.bookhubpublishing.com/product/little-pocket-of-love/